One Dance To Change It All
by Evenstar1002
Summary: Over time, the tingle had subsided. Until it was all but a soft background noise whenever Harvey was near and a gentle reminder, every now and then, of things that could have been. Of missed embraces. Missed kisses. Missed mornings and nights. Together. Missed whispers and laughs and tears. Missed I Love Yous and missed I Miss Yous. (Donna/Harvey) - Post 7x16


_**One Dance To Change It All**_

 _You can feel him before you see him._ Just like it has always been with him. It had started with a slight tingle on your skin after the first time you two shook hands all those years ago. A tingle that has never quite left you. It had crept over your skin when you started to work for him thirteen years ago and it had made its way into your heart and soul during that one fateful night that had changed everything, forever. No going back.

Over time, the tingle had subsided. Until it was all but a soft background noise whenever Harvey was near and a gentle reminder, every now and then, of things that could have been. Of missed embraces. Missed kisses. Missed mornings and nights. Together. Missed whispers and laughs and tears. Missed _I Love Yous_ and missed _I Miss Yous_. If only you had never learned what it had felt like to be held by him, to fall asleep in his warm and strong arms, to be looked at by him like you were the only woman in his goddamn universe.

And if only you hadn't made the mistake a couple of nights ago to remind your lips exactly what it feels like to be kissed by him. Ever since then, the tingling had clawed its way back, sharper than ever before. You can feel it on the skin of your fingertips. On the nape of your neck and down your spine. And the background noise that had been in your heart and soul has turned into a loud and powerful symphony orchestra.

 _You can feel him before you see him._ That is why your eyes are already on the double wing door, seconds before it opens. As it is so often the case with you and him, his eyes find yours immediately, a soft smile splaying around his thin lips. The atmosphere around you changes as he makes his way through the crowd. He looks tired but he emanates as much strength and confidence as he always does and it still takes your breath away. Every. single. time.

You take a step back. Not only because you have to, to get some space between him and yourself but also to give him and his protégé and best friend a moment before the latter would walk down the aisle towards his bride to be. You watch him and _him_ and you can feel the love and respect between them as palpable as seldom before. You are glad that you called him this afternoon and that he is now here with Mike. _And_ with you.

And then he stands right next to you as he offers you the crook of his arm. Touching him had never really been a big issue and yet something feels different tonight. And that damn tingle just. won't. go. away. Your skin is on alert, your fingertips itching to caress his forearm. You need a moment before you realize that he has already set himself in motion. Quickly you catch up and wlowly you walk down the aisle beside him, the sensation of having him so close meddling with your otherwise so overly sharp mind. The two hundred and seventy-three pairs of eyes that rest on you all of a sudden feel like intruders on a private moment.

When you arrive at your designated spots and he leaves your side, you can still feel the soft fabric of his jacket and the warmth of his body on the palm of your hand. You don't look at him. Can't look at him. You know you are a good actress and you know that you have fooled him more than once regarding your true feelings but something about this night makes you feel like all walls are down and you are afraid of what he might see if he only were to look closely enough.

You send a prayer to the heavens above that the ceremony starts in the exact moment that it does. Magic fills the air when Mike makes his way down the aisle, towards his best man. And love mingles with it when Rachel follows him moments later on the arm of her father. Looks are exchanged, tears are shed and promises of love and faithful devotion are shared. And then there is the one kiss that seals it all.

 _You can feel his eyes on you before you see them._ You hesitate for all but one second before you muster the courage to look back at him. The hint of a smile graces his lips and his brown eyes shine with too much warmth. Your heart misses a beat. And another one. For those two split seconds you imagine what it would be like to stand in front of the priest with _him_. To hear him say that he would always love and protect you until death do you part. You can feel the love curse through you, like warm lava that is fighting its way to the surface. But then the applause of the crowd disrupts your thoughts and after a quiet intake of breath you focus back on your friends, ignoring the tingling in your heart.

* * *

 _The air shifts and you can feel his sorrow before you even see him._ The wedding reception is in full swing and to your right Rachel's grand-mother keeps talking and talking and talking. You can hear her words but you no longer process their meaning. Your eyes sweep through the room but you do not really see the couples on the dance floor nor the people sitting at the round tables until you finally find him, all the way at the other side of the warmly lit hall, just as he is releasing Mike from a hug. You watch him as he watches Mike walk back to his wife and even though you are standing so far away, you can sense the change. The future shifting. And the sadness rolling off of Harvey's slumped shoulders.

You thank the elderly woman beside you for her kind words and excuse yourself. No power in heaven or on earth would ever be strong enough to keep you from being by his side when he needs you. And you know that he needs you in this very second. So you fight your way through the crowd, your eyes focused on him as he stands with his back to you, his head low. It seems like he is miles away, not only mentally but physically as well, as it seems to take you forever to reach his side. When he is finally standing only three more feet away, you approach him quietly, coming to a halt right next to him. Maybe a little closer than necessary but you want him to know that you are there. For him. He looks up and for a moment his eyes are as sad as his posture. "Hey" you say and your eyes hold each other. A thankful smile appears and after a moment of hesitation his open hand moves into your direction while motioning his head towards the dance floor.

"What do you say?" His voice betrays his smile and you know that he knows that you know. You also know that he will talk when he is ready and that he knows that you know and it is probably one of the reasons why you are still _the_ woman in his life when he could not make it work with any other. So of course you agree, putting your hand in his and leading him to the dance floor.

You like it when he twirls you around because it almost feels like you can fly and you know you do not have to be scared to bump into anyone because it is Harvey and he will never let anything happen to you. But you _love_ it when he just holds you close, one hand on the small of your back, his other firmly holding on to yours, your bodies swaying in one rhythm to the music. You are in tune, just like you have always been.

 _His kiss is demanding but his hips are slow and controlled when he joins your bodies for the very first time. Your heart tingles when he looks at you with utter warmth and wonder and gone is the laughter and playfulness of just moments before. You trace his eyebrow with your finger and then cup his cheek. Time stands still and_ I love you _is what you want to say. Neither of you moves while you try to imprint all the emotions and sensations into your heart and mind. Only when the can of the whipped cream drops onto the bedside carpet with a muffled *thump* are you pushed out of that moment. You laugh, you kiss and you dance the most intimate of dances in tune with the rhythms of your heartbeats and breaths._

Your heartbeat in the present accelerates as well. Not only because of the memory that hits you out of nowhere but because Harvey pulls you even closer as the band in the corner starts to play a slow song. You can feel the air leaving your body and a tight fist clenching your heart. The need to get even closer is so strong that for once in your life you have no idea what to do. There is no quip remark or charming smile that would get you what you truly want. Nor that would get you out of this situation. With every second that passes, with every heartbeat that hammers in your chest, with every breath that he sighs against your ear you can feel what you always try to bury. The need for _more_. For _everything_. With him.

You make it through the song somehow. But your head is racing and your heart is breaking and you need to get away because his closeness is too much and not enough. Never enough. You do not just want one hug or one dance. You want them every day and all day and while you know that those emotions have always hidden inside your soul, they surprise you with its intensity like a tidal wave crushing your lungs and robbing you of the ability to breath, while twirling you around under water until you can now longer tell up from down. So when the song comes to an end, so does your movement. He hesitates for a second when you try to step back, his arms a firm but safe shelter. And your heart skips a beat when you see that he allows himself to look at you with _that_ look for just a second, which is all the more reason to bring some space between him and you. After everything you two have been through those last couple of days and weeks, you do not want to get pushed into another situation where you might want to cross your blurry lines. So you take another step back, replace every hint of affection on your features with a presumably too bright smile but since he is not you, you are not afraid that he will see behind your mask. He might be good at reading people but he is definitely _not_ good at _feeling_ them. You retreat, turn around and while leaving to room you try to ignore the knowledge that his gaze is following you out.

* * *

When the cold, fresh air hits your face it is like a slap and a caress all in one. For the first time in what feels like forever you allow yourself to take a deep breath. And while the thoughts in your head clear the confusing tingling in your heart does not. You take another deep breath. Hold it. And let it out with a loud swoosh. You can still feel his arms around you, still feel his hot breath tickling down your back and another round of chills covers your body.

The New York air is colder than usual on this magical summer night, the sound of the never dying traffic all but a hum in the distance. As you watch the tall buildings around you, the cold LED lights in the offices in stark contrast to the warm glow of cozy lit apartments, your heart rate gradually slows down. You ask yourself what it is about this wedding that heightens all your senses. Makes you so susceptible for everything around you. For him. Emotions have always been your thing. You always knew how to control them. Not only your own but those of the people around you as well. And yet, can not seem to control them tonight. And just why the hell won't your protective barriers go up?

Before you find an answer to that and so many other questions, the tingling in your heart steals your breath and a softly spoken „Donna" makes your turn around. And there he stands. In all of his masculine beauty and elegance. You watch him as he comes closer. You know he is not overly tall or bulky and only ever just so outreaches you a couple of centimeters in height when you allow him into your home, where you do not have to wear high heels that add to your respect demanding attire in a men's world. But with every step that he comes closer his entire being seems to become too big. His voice too soft. His gaze to gentle.

„Are you okay?" he asks and your heart swells because you know he is not and yet he still puts you first. You look at him for a second, wrapping your arms around yourself to hide the goose bumps.

„Yes, Harvey. I just needed some fresh air. It's been a long day," you excuse yourself and hope that he buys it. But he would not be the best lawyer in this town if he could not read body language the way that he does.

"Are you sure?" he asks again, his probing gaze never leaving your face. His eyes are still full of warmth and affection and there is still _that_ look. He stands before you now, his hand on your bare shoulder. He is too close again, the lines disappearing before your eyes.

You watch him. And a second longer, while contemplating what to say. "Please don't push it, Harvey. I don't want to lie to you but I can't tell you the truth either. Not tonight."

You can see the debate behind his eyes, know that he wants find out what is troubling you. But it is only on rare occasions, only when you know that there is no other way, that you push each other to open up. Sooner rather later you were always ready in your own time to start talking to each other. Before he comes to the same conclusion, or before he actually deems this was such a situation that left no other choice, you interrupt his thoughts.

"Are you okay?" you want to know because maybe he is more willing to talk about his feelings than you are about yours.

"I don't know..." he says but you know he does know. "No" he adds two seconds later.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No... Not right now... Mike and Rachel will leave in a couple of minutes... I wanted to get you so you wouldn't miss saying goodbye."

* * *

You stay for another half an hour and talk to the guy behind the bar, just now discussing the handling of the payment, while the hall empties around you. By the time you are finished, only one other person is left. Harvey stands at the entrance, your coat hanging over his arm. "I'll give you a ride home," he says matter-of-factly, leaving no room for discussion. He helps you slip on the ruby colored garment and then you follow him outside of the building where Ray is already patiently waiting for you. Always the gentleman, Harvey opens the door for you before walking to the other side of the car and getting in beside you. You stay silent during the whole way home even though a new cloud of sadness engulfs the man to your left. You can feel that he wants to say something, sense him almost starting two times but slumping back in his seat before actual words ever leave his mouth. Way too soon, Ray parks the car in front of your apartment building. Harvey gets out and opens your door. "Good night, Donna" he says and before you know it he has his arms wrapped around you in a tight hug. It is not the first hug you have ever shared but never had it felt like this before. His body is tense and you can feel his nose nuzzling your hair, as he takes in a deep breath. With the next exhale he sighs softly and releases you from the embrace. Only reluctantly you let go of him. Because you want to stay. With him. In him. You want to invite him up. Have him close. Talk. Or keep silent. Together. But he makes no move for _more_ , so you only smile at him. "Good night, Harvey."

You leave him on the sidewalk and make your way up quickly. You know he always stays until you are safely in your apartment, so upon closing the door behind you, your first way is directly to the window, to signal him that everything is alright. Only that this time, the car is no longer there. Your heart sinks and you curse yourself for not pushing more. Curse him for not opening up to you when he is so obviously feeling bad. Before you can lose yourself in regrets, a soft knock on your door pulls you back like a lifeline.

 _You can feel him before you can see him._ When you open the door, sorrows and insecurity greets you. Wordlessly you open the door a little further and step aside to let him in. He walks into your living room and even though he has not been here that many times before it always feels like he has never belonged to anywhere _but_ here. You are just about to offer him a drink when he comes to an abrupt halt in the middle of the room, turning around swiftly and looking at you. Mask down.

"Everyone is leaving me.", he assesses sadly after he has looked at you in silence for several moments.

You sigh, your heart as heavy as if filled with cement. The urge to hold him in your arms becomes so overwhelming that you can not stop yourself from closing the distance between him and you. Your arms wrap around his rigid body and it takes him a second or two to ease into your embrace. And then his arms are around you so tightly that you think for just a moment that he will never let you go again. There is a desperation in his breaths and sighs and you want nothing more than to take that fear away from him.

"Not everyone," you whisper and try to reassure.

"Promise me that you will never leave me, Donna." Your name is rolling off of his lips like a sacred prayer.

"I promise." The words leave your mouth the second his voice ceases.

Harvey loses the grip around you and looks into your eyes. You know he will only find truth there. Because how could you ever possibly leave his side?

"I can not lose you." He replies urgently.

"You won't, Harvey."

"It's been hard to lose Jessica. It's going to be even harder to lose Mike. It's already breaking my heart. But the thought of ever loosing you? That is killing me. I can't let that happen, Donna. Not you. Not ever." He says with so much insistence that you have no doubt that he means every word he says.

You don't know what else to say to make him believe you, so you put one hand over his heart and immediately it starts pounding against your palm, trying to get closer. Like a magnet drawn to its complement. You look at him and try to say everything with your eyes instead of with words.

And before you know what is happening you can feel his lips passionately descending on yours. The tingle in your heart explodes into a thousand tiny stars, blinding you to all sensations, sounds and emotions but him. His kiss is frantic and yet still so full of affection and tenderness that it leaves you breathless. That _he_ leaves you breathless. You give in to the feeling of being held by him. Of feeling his soft lips moving against yours. Of his racing heart under your hand. Of being the recipient of his passion and longing. His tongue traces your lips and as you open your mouth ever so slowly, your tongues touching tenderly, your own heart almost leaps out of your chest.

But you can not let go completely. As much as you yearn to continue what he has started you also know that he is not acting rationally and you do not want to cross the line again if there is even the slightest chance that he might regret it in the morning. And so, while it kills you to do it, you break the kiss and push gently against his chest.

"Harvey, wait... wait." You say breathlessly and wish that your voice would not sound quite so shaken.

Harvey brings his hands to your face, cupping it gently. You can feel the strength in his hold and yet you know he would let go of you in a heartbeat should you demand it. "I can't do this anymore, Donna." His voice breaks and back are the sadness and insecurity that he had brought with him, when he knocked on your door.

"Do what?" You ask, all of a sudden insecure yourself. And even before he says anything you know in that instance that things are about to change. You are heading towards a cliff and there is nothing to stop you from going over it. You just pray the he will be there to catch you.

"This. Us. Like we are. I can't pretend anymore... can't pretend to not want more. To not want _everything_. When it is all I have _ever_ wanted." He explains truthfully and a single tear steals itself out of the corner of your eye. You do not know if it is a tear of happiness or of sadness but he catches it with his thumb and looks at it in wonder.

"Harvey, please... don't say something like that if you don't mean it... I know you are sad because of Mike leaving..."

"Donna... this has nothing to do with Mike leaving. You have known me for thirteen years. I would never do something like that. Especially to you." You are sure that he is speaking the truth but his kiss is still tingling on your lips and in your heart and you are just not able to trust your judgment any longer.

"Then where is this all coming from? Why tonight?" You want to know because it is the second time in such a short time that he is dropping a bomb on you that you should have seen coming. Could have seen coming?

You leave his arms as it is just not possible to think clearly while having him touch you. You move to your couch and sit down, taking a deep breath. He follows you and sits down right next to you. Too close. Your knees touching.

No one says anything for a long time. But you really need _him_ to. It is a struggle and a fight to keep all these impulses inside of you. You want to ask him. Tell him. You want to push him. To shake him. To beg him start talking. Explaining. It goes against your very nature to just sit here now and wait instead of doing something to steer your fate. It takes another seven and a half excruciatingly long heartbeats until he finally speaks.

"When Mike said that he would leave, it just pushed me over the edge. It's been a long day. A long week. A goddamn long year for that matter. And I'm just _so_ tired of fighting. Of being strong all the time," he says and runs his hand through his hair. "I meant what I said. I don't want to pretend anymore. Not with you, Donna." No one ever says your name quite the way he does. His voice always dropping on octave when the word rolls off his lips. And it always sounds like there is more to it than just those five letters. A praise. And a wonder. A wonder that he was even allowed to say those letters out loud and to you. You know he is speaking the truth by the way he is saying your name. And you just want to believe him so freaking much.

"And you are sure that this is what you really want? I'm not going to leave you, you know that. You don't have to do this just to keep me around. "

"I know that. And I know I have been a coward for too long. But I don't want to waste another minute. _We_ should not waste another minute," he almost begs, reaching for your hand. His touch his soft. Strong. Warm. "Or am I really too late?"

"Too late for what?" You ask curiously as insecurity creases his forehead. It is still such a foreign expression on his otherwise always so overly confident face. But you realize you have yet to say anything regarding your own feelings and that he is taking a huge leap here.

"The other day... after you kissed me... you said..." he begins but you interrupt him before he can formulate the words.

"I lied. I knew you weren't ready for the truth. And I never would have messed with your heart any more than I already had… at least not while you were still with Paula," you admit because there is no longer a point in keeping anything from him. Because you know that this is _it_. The moment. The _one_ that would decide your fate. You know in that instant that if you do not find your way to each other tonight then it probably might never happen.

"So you're saying that…" he begins again and you interrupt him once more.

"Yes. Of course, I felt something. I felt _everything_." His eyes light up. His slightly slumped posture straightening with hope and reliance.

"I did, too. I was just too afraid to acknowledge it," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper now. He entwines your fingers and watches you intently. One heartbeat. Two heartbeats. Three heartbeats. You can hear every single one of them pounding in your ear. And then he is leaning in again so you have all but a second to prepare your mind and body to be swept away by him once more. This time his lips are soft and gentle. There is no desperation, only love and affection. It is the kind of kiss that changes everything forever. It is not like your first kiss back in the days, the playful and teasing one that had led to the first time you ever had sex. Or any other one that you shared during that night. And of course it is nothing like the one from the other night when there was so much uncertainty still between you. This one feels new. Like a beginning. Like a declaration and a promise. _Yes, I'm in. I'm with you and will not ever leave you. I want you. Now. And forever._

And when the kiss is no longer enough to show each other just what you feel for the other, you give up and in and let your free hand travel from his arm over his shoulder and to his neck. You deepen the kiss, let him know that this is okay and that he can let go of everything that might still hold him back. And Harvey understands. Of course, he does, because it is what you two are best at. It is why you have the kind of bond that you have. That you always had, ever since the beginning of time. With the exception that now you no longer have to hold back, will no longer have to ignore the truth out of fear that lines are unconsciously crossed. Tonight it is him and you. No masks. No barriers. To pretenses.

His knee presses almost painfully into your thigh as he tries to get even closer to you. But you will take it because fate has finally put you two in motion and there is now stopping it now. No stopping _you_ now. Just then, the kiss takes on a new kind of intensity, when your tongues touch and a burning fire is ignited in the deepest corner of your body. Not breaking the kiss, Harvey moves up and over you, gently pushing you back into the cushions of your sofa. You relish in the feeling that his body over you triggers inside of you. He emanates strength and safety, passion and warmth, love and longing. A mixture so captivating and arousing that it leaves you breathless and ready for him in the blink of an eye. You loosen the tie around his neck, throwing it to the ground, while his free hand is touching every inch of your skin that he can reach, leaving a burning trail in its wake. You start unbuttoning his shirt and open his belt and when all of his clothes are gone, he strips you from your black dress and your undergarments until you both lie naked in the warm glow of your living room. For the longest times you are both content just with touching and kissing each other. It has been thirteen years since you have seen each other bare and you know you are both no longer in your early thirties anymore. You know your breasts are no longer as firm as they used to be, nor is your skin as tight as it has been. The feminine defined muscles under your skin are still there but you know that going to yoga classes three times a week forms your body differently as working out in the gym five times a week had back in the days. And still, as he lies next to you, touches you, watches your every movement and reaction, his eyes shine in wonder and you have never felt more beautiful in your entire life.

You caress his shoulders and the muscles there contract under your touch. His triceps his as hard as a rock as he moves himself above you. Each string on his back is tangible and even though he is holding himself in the same position for minutes, while you get reacquainted with his body, his muscles don't seem to get tired. He hides it well under his suits but his body is toned through years and years of boxing in the ring. Wearing one of his 1000 $ pieces makes him strong and confident in the office, makes him a force that you do not want to mess with. And if he is on your side, you have the certainty that he will never let anything happen to you. But now here, with you, wearing nothing at all, he emanates even more strength and confidence and you know he _is_ on your side and that he will never let anything happen to you. Not to you, Donna Paulsen, former secretary and COO of his firm. And most definitely not to you, Donna, the woman that is no longer just a former secretary, COO or friend.

As if he is sensing your thoughts, he leans down and whispers an emotional "I love you" into your ear, moments before he eases himself into you painfully slowly. When you are as close as you can possibly and humanly be, he stills, coming up to look into your eyes. Your fingers trace his cheek, the shadow of a stubble tickling your skin. His gaze is sincere and the world stops turning. You have a flashback to the only other time you were in this exact same position. You can almost feel the urge to tell him you loved him from back then. Only this time, you do not have to hold back. "I love you," you reply. With no can of whipped cream interrupting you now, the moment between you seems to last forever. There are more unsaid promises in your gazes, more indescribable emotions battling their way to the surface. The smile that starts to spread on his lips slowly reaches his eyes, transforming his face into one hauntingly beautiful expression. One that you know he reserves only for you. And then he leans down again, kissing you with the same intensity that had just been flowing between his and your eyes seconds ago. Your heart clenches because the love that you are feeling, the love that had built itself up for over thirteen years, is looking for a way out. All at once. Like champagne from its bottle after it had been shaken too hard. Or like a magma from its volcano after it had been scratching at the crater for too long.

And then he starts moving and with every thrust, with every touch and every kiss, with every moan and with every sigh, with every whispered "Donna", you let the love out. Every meeting of his thrusts, every touch of his heated skin, every kiss to his shoulder or neck or lips, every breathy "Harvey" and every intense gaze is a sign of your love and you can see that he understands every gesture exactly for what it is, returning each and every one of them by one of his own. You feel his love, see his love, hear his words still vibrating through your core.

You lose all sense of space and time. There is only him and you and your joining that you never want to stop. And yet you yearn to fall over that cliff, to let it all out, to let go of the pressure and the built up that he keeps heightening with every deep and rhythmic thrust of his hips. But his control is waning, passion instead of concentration now softening his face. His thrusts speed up, his breath becoming heavier. You are a little bit scared about just how in synch it is with your own breathing. Your own heartbeat. And when he touches you between your legs, it all becomes too much once again.

 _You can feel it moments before it hits you._ "Let go," he rasps, his voice breathy. And then the wave consumes you, throws you under and makes you fly. Only distantly can you feel him push into you two more times, before he too lets go, with a "Donna" leaving his lips that said "I love you" all over again. You catch him as he collapses on top of you. His shaky breath is caressing the overheated and oversensitive skin of your neck and you let your hands travel up and down his sweaty back in a calming motion. Harvey tries to move because you know he thinks he is to heavy for you and that he does not want to crush you. But you are strong enough to hold him just where he is, not quite ready just yet to let him go.

* * *

"Donna?" he whispers into the darkness of your bedroom. After you have moved from the sofa to your bed and after you have intensely and passionately made love two more times, you are now lying in his warm embrace, spent and tired.

"Hmm?" you reply drowsily.

"Will you promise me one more thing tonight?" His voice is deep and scratchy but you can hear the smile in every single word.

"Anything" you reply because you know he can not possibly ask for anything that you would not gladly say or give to him.

"Promise me that this doesn't mean you will no longer work for me."

You have to chuckle. Because after everything that you have shared just now and of all the things he could have come up with, this is the one thing. But you know he is only halfway serious and you both know that you _will_ have to have a serious discussion about how you would handle your new relationship at the firm in the upcoming days. Because working together would not get any easier, you are absolutely certain about that. But you also know that you will not be able to leave this man. You just love your job too much. But above that, you love this man too much. So there is really only one thing that you _can_ say:

"I promise."

* * *

 _ **The End**_


End file.
